Dictionary Category: Humorous CRO Terms (Unofficial but Oh-So-Real)

The irrational attachment to a winning test variation, leading to the delusion that it will work everywhere forever. Often results in trying to apply the same “winning” element to every page on the site.

The jealous feeling when a competitor’s landing page gets more clicks than yours. Usually leads to shameless copying of their design “for inspiration purposes only.”

The phenomenon where marketers become so focused on optimization that they lose sight of basic user experience. Results in websites that convert well but feel like navigating a used car lot.

The state of being so intoxicated by metrics and analytics that you forget real humans use your website. Warning signs include referring to visitors as “traffic” in casual conversation.

The excitement of thinking you’ve found a winning test, only to discover your results aren’t statistically significant. Often followed by the five stages of A/B testing grief.

The terror that adding even one more form field will cause your conversion rate to plummet. Leads to forms so short that you capture nothing but email addresses and tears.

When the Highest Paid Person’s Opinion trumps all data and testing. Symptoms include abandoning winning tests because “the CEO doesn’t like blue buttons.”

Someone who obsesses over minute design details that have zero impact on conversions while ignoring major user experience problems. Often found arguing about font sizes while the checkout process is completely broken.

The chronic condition of never having enough traffic to reach statistical significance. Patients often resort to lowering confidence levels or declaring victory with 12 total conversions.

The desperate need to find statistical significance in every test, leading to p-hacking, cherry-picking data, or running tests until you get the results you want.