Dictionary Category: Humorous CRO Terms (Unofficial but Oh-So-Real)

The terror that adding even one more form field will cause your conversion rate to plummet. Leads to forms so short that you capture nothing but email addresses and tears.

When the Highest Paid Person’s Opinion trumps all data and testing. Symptoms include abandoning winning tests because “the CEO doesn’t like blue buttons.”

Someone who obsesses over minute design details that have zero impact on conversions while ignoring major user experience problems. Often found arguing about font sizes while the checkout process is completely broken.

The chronic condition of never having enough traffic to reach statistical significance. Patients often resort to lowering confidence levels or declaring victory with 12 total conversions.

The desperate need to find statistical significance in every test, leading to p-hacking, cherry-picking data, or running tests until you get the results you want.

The inflammation of testing everything simultaneously without any strategic plan. Symptoms include running 17 different A/B tests on the same page and wondering why results are inconclusive.

The persistent jealousy of websites with higher visitor counts, leading to the false belief that more traffic automatically solves all conversion problems. Often ignores the fact that converting 1% of 1 million visitors beats converting 0.1% of 10 million.

The futile pursuit of the mythical “one test that will double conversions overnight.” Usually involves copying tactics from case studies without understanding context or audience differences.

The compulsive focus on impressive-sounding but ultimately meaningless metrics like page views and social media likes while ignoring actual revenue and profit.

The state of overthinking your data to the point where you never actually implement any changes. Symptoms include having 47 different conversion theories but zero running tests.